I am fed up today. I feel sad, depressed and tired. I have a cough and a runny nose, my hair is still falling out in patches and it is freezing cold. I feel as though I have had enough. I am sure it is just part of the strange mood swings side effect, but it is getting me down today. I have stopped bursting into tears, but this feeling is worse.
This week has flown by so fast, I have neglected my poor blog!!
It has been a busy week, I was off work on Tuesday, spending the day feeling queasy but was then quite energised on Wednesday, Thursday and today, so have been working. Suddenly remembered it was the end of the month yesterday and my invoicing figures were not looking good, so have spent a couple of days catching up.
The side effects from Monday have not been too bad, I have a runny nose and I did have a sore throat for a day or two. They did tell me that some of the side effects could be flu-type symptoms. Other than that, I have slept through the night for two nights in a row and today is my last day of steroids. So hopefully, I should start sleeping through the night every night!! I don’t feel so tired now either.
I also got a date through for my CT scan, it is on the 3rd March. This is only a month away and will follow the third cycle of chemotherapy so I will be at the “half way point” at this stage. I can’t wait for the scan, I really want to know what is happening inside and it will be such a relief to know that the treatment is working.
Hair still coming out all over the place, although it seems to have slowed down a little. I am now hoovering every day as it gets all over the floor!
I had my second chemotherapy cycle today. I thought from what they said that I would only be there half the day, but ended up being there until 4.30 anyway. There was a bit of fiddling around because my veins were not taking the needles very well and they had to change veins halfway through, with another 4 attempts at getting the needle in! It turned out that I was tensing my arm and holding my breath when they were trying to get the needle in which apparently can make the vein go flat. Did it in the end though!
My Dad stayed with me the whole day which was nice and Chris’s Dad, Peter came in too and brought chocolates and biscuits!
I felt ok this evening, but have not been able to sleep since 11.30pm and feel a bit sick and have pins and needles in hands. I also have a sore throat. I don’t think I will go to work tomorrow. I am hoping I don’t get the horrible cramps in my feet again, although they have told me to take paracetamol in the morning to stop this happening.
Today I had an appointment at the hair shop to have my wig fitted. It turned out that the one I had chosen could not be ordered in a bigger size and so I ended up having to choose from four other ones. There were two really nice ones, but one looked too ‘perfect’ and the other one was much more realistic, so I chose the more realistic one! It was very similar to the original one I had chosen anyway.
Afterwards, I went to Mum and Dad’s for a cup of tea and to show them my new hair and Aunty Sheila was there too. I had not noticed in the shop, but where I had been taking wigs on and off, it had obviously rubbed my head about a bit and I had a bald patch right at the front of my head. This was a bit upsetting, even though I have known for three weeks that my hair was going to fall out. When I had it cut last week, it was not super short, and there was still quite a bit of hair on my head. If I was going to start getting bald patches, I was going to resemble Lou of ‘Lou and Andy’ from Little Britain.
So, I went home, burst into tears and when Chris came home, he found me in a bit of a state. I asked him to get the clippers and shave my head. This was followed by a search of the whole house and the loft in search of some clippers. We know that we have some, but could we find them?! So Chris went to borrow his brother in law’s. When he came back, I kneeled on a chair in the kitchen with my head bent over and Chris shaved my head so that my hair was about an inch long all over. It was horrible and I cried my eyes out. It seems so silly now, its only hair and it will grow back, and it was probably just vanity, but when you have had long hair for years and years it is an awful feeling to see those clippers coming towards you. I didn’t even cry as much when they told me I had cancer. The head shaving made it real somehow though.
When I looked in the mirror it actually wasnt that bad, even though Chris had given up with the clippers and swapped to the kitchen scissors halfway through! I felt much better afterwards. It was upsetting for both of us. As Chris said, its not every day your girlfriend asks you to shave her head.
So, its done now. I had to do it from a practical point of view, hair was coming out all over the place, getting in the plughole, all over my clothes etc and it is much better to have it as short as possible when that is happening I think.
After we had hoovered up, Chris went to Sainsburys while I cooked the dinner and returned with beer and wine, so we had dinner with a (large) drink, and the jokes, laughter and general silliness soon returned. I went to bed wearing one of those shower caps you get in hotel rooms to stop hair from getting all over the place! Its 6am now, I have been up for about an hour already, but think I will attempt a couple more hours sleep now……
I went to the hospital today for a check up and blood test to make sure my blood count is high enough for me to have the next lot of chemotherapy. Blood count is fine, so next chemotherapy session is on Monday.
I also saw my consultant so that she could see how I was doing. I told her about some of the side effects I was having such as cramp in my legs and feet and random nose bleeds. She looked a bit baffled and thinks the nose bleeds are unconnected. I have only had two little ones, but thought I would mention it.
We talked about the steroids and I told her about my appetite having tripled when I was on the first lot of steroids and she said that they were extremely strong and they would have done that. She said that she does not really like prescribing them, but in my case, there was no other option. I told her that I am getting on much better on the new steroids and can sleep more now. I will have to have steroids for another five days after the next chemotherapy treatment.
I told her about a cancer screening clinic I went to on the 22nd October 2008, which I had completely forgotten about. I showed her the blood test results and the letter from them saying that all the results were fine. I asked if maybe this might help in finding out when I developed the cancer since I was diagnosed almost two months to the day after the screening. The consultant said that they “hated” this clinic!! She said that the tests could not have possibly tested for the types of cancers that someone my age would get. She said that basically, it was a waste of time going to it. I told her that I had e mailed them telling them about my diagnosis and asking if the tests that they had done would have showed it up. She said that it was extremely unlikely.
I cant believe the irony that I went to a cancer screening clinic, purely for a check up, and two months later I develop that very thing!
I also asked the consultant about the chances of success and how many treatments I would have to have. She said that with some people, the chemotherapy doesn’t work and they then have to resort to stem cell transplants. I am hoping it works. I don’t know much about stem cell transplants but they do not sound pleasant.
After my third cycle, they will scan me and at least then I will know if it is working or not. She told me that they have to be a bit careful with the number of scans that I have, because of the radiation. Apparently, you are not meant to have too many scans or x-rays in your life time.
I also found out that I would be having six cycles of chemotherapy. The consultant said that even if I am clear after four, I will still have six. This type of cancer can come back and they want to overdose me on the drugs in effect, so that will reduce the chance of it coming back again.
If the treatment schedule goes to plan, the last chemotherapy will be on the 20th April 2009 so I am really hoping that there are no problems.
I have a headache today and I feel a bit worn out. I think I will be taking it easy for a couple of days!
Another 6am blog update!
I went to a yoga and relaxation class last night with my friend Lisa. It was an hour and a half and I wondered if that might be a bit too long, but it was fine. I really enjoyed it, although its harder than it looks! You have to hold various positions and once you get into the position (which takes some doing), you can feel all the muscles stretching. My knees, which have been stiff since going onto the steroids gave up at one point, but I have to say, they feel so much better today.
The funniest part was when the teacher explained that they had been working up to doing head stands and they then proceeded to all get into whichever position that was “on the way” to achieving the head stand. One man stood completely on his head with his arms out in front of him (NOT leaning against the wall!) and he stayed like that for 10 minutes. It was amazing! Needless to say, Lisa and I did not attempt this.
The class was mostly women, although there were two men there. The women’s figures are amazing, some of them have obviously been doing it for a while.
The last part of the class was a relaxation session, where the teacher turned all the lights down and you had to lie on a mat with a cushion under your knees, and she told you to think about various things and concentrate on certain parts of the body. It was so relaxing I nearly drifted off. Lisa said she did too.
We had a chat with the teacher afterwards, and I explained about my illness. She said that I must just take it easy and she will show me more relaxation techniques next time.
There was also a lady in the class who I recognised from dancing so I had a chat with her. She said that she had not seen me at dancing for a while so I told her about my illness. She told me she has a 6 year old grandson who has cancer, he has a tumour on his bladder, and he has had to have chemotherapy and now has to have an operation. She said that he has coped amazingly well with the chemotherapy and has more or less carried on as a normal six year old would! Poor little thing, what an age to have to deal with all that.
So, I will definitely be going back to yoga, although not next Monday as that is chemotherapy session no. 2. I really enjoyed it and I would recommend it!
Well its lucky I had my hair cut short on Saturday as it has started falling out today, only strands of hair, but they keep falling on my desk which is getting quite annoying.
I had a two hour journey to work this morning, thanks to an overturned car on the A24. Luckily, I heard about it on the radio before I got onto the A24 and so I took a de-tour via Arundel and then Pulborough and got stuck in traffic and floods anyway. I tugged at the back of my hair while I was sitting in a traffic jam and a chunk came out! So am not touching it again.
Yesterday was a good day. We took the car to the jet wash early in the morning and Chris scrubbed all the mud off it. It suffers doing my daily trips to Godalming and seems constantly dirty. It was gleaming by the time he had finished with it! When we left the house, I discovered I had left my trainers in the car so Chris had to piggy back me down the path and across the road and get my shoes out of the car with me still on his back. We were in hysterics. Goodness knows what the neighbours must think of us.
When we got back, I had a nice relaxing bath using my new bubble bath (thanks Mum, it is very nice) and then we went over to Littlehampton for lunch at Chris’s parents. I ate loads. The food was so nice, I had starter, main course, seconds of main course and pudding. And a chocolate as well. It was delicious. When we got home I was feeling very tired and went to bed at 4pm! Woke up at 6 feeling better and then Chris and I watched High Society. I managed to sleep the whole night without getting up and wandering about which I was quite pleased about.
This is my last day of mega strength steroids. Tomorrow I go onto the 5mg ones which have to be better than the 25mg ones. Knees are much better since I have been taking the cod liver oil. I could get up the stairs today in under 5 minutes!
I start my yoga and relaxation class tonight. Will update tomorrow……
Well I had all my hair cut off today, after going to the wrong salon. I thought I had booked one salon and it turned out to be the one down the road. When I got there, I was a bit worried, as it was a real old lady’s salon. There were only two old ladies in there with curlers in their hair. Anyway, the lady that cut my hair was ok, and it looks alright I think! I will try and put a photo on the blog, but will need Chris’s technical expertise first!
Then I went along to another salon with my friend Alex, and we chose a dark bob for the “sensible” wig. It turns out my head is slightly larger than the usual head (!) and I had to order a bigger size, but should be here next week.
Alex and I then went for a nice lunch at ASK using a buy one get one free voucher I had cut out of the paper. We also looked at a new bridal shop that opened in Worthing and another dress shop.
I feel much better today, far more energy. I was up at 2.30 this morning reading, until about 4.00am but managed to get back to sleep in the end. I am only on one steroid tablet now, and next week, the level of the dose goes down. My knees are quite painful and I keep getting cramp in the night, which makes the muscles in my legs and feet sore. I am not sure why this is.
I also got given presents today! In the post, a beautiful wooden carved Angel of Courage arrived from my Uncle David and Aunty Gay who live in Yorkshire with a lovely card. The angel is sitting on my shelf next to my bed.
My friend Laura also sent me a dvd of High Society, she knows I love that film and I have not got a copy. Then, I got given a bar of chocolate from another friend via Alex, and Mum had bought me a bottle of relaxing radox bubble bath!
I have also been looking into foods rich in iron, to boost the blood cells and as I write this, Chris is cooking a feast of steak in red wine, brocoli, peas and mashed potato. Yum!
Tomorrow I am getting my hair all cut off! My friend Laura found a really good picture on the internet of Keira Knightley with a really nice short hair do, so I am taking the picture along with me tomorrow morning, and going for the chop!
I am also going along to a yoga class next Monday, which is something I have been meaning to do since the beginning of last year and never got round to. I have always wanted to try yoga, and apparently it is very good for relaxation and weight loss etc. So we shall see…..
The drugs are making my weight fluctuate quite a bit I think and are affecting my appetite. I am hungry a lot and so eat more! My face is very podgy and looks a bit like a flying saucer at the moment. I dont know if this is because I have put on weight or just puffiness because of all the drugs. One of the side effects is bloating I believe. Anyway, I am going to invest in some new bathroom scales, since Chris discovered the other week that the ones that we have are actually broken, and we have both weighed about a stone more than we thought we did for the last year.
Well, for the first time since the 23rd December 2008 when I was put on steroids in hospital, I managed to sleep through the night last night! I think this may be due to the new steroids I am taking, which seem far less aggressive than the first ones. I could not believe it when I woke up and it was 6am rather than 3am!
Saying that, I feel exhausted today. I was fine when I woke up, but now, having done the hour journey to the office and sitting at my desk at work I feel completely worn out. Its a bit like having the worst hangover in the world. Got to the office and one of the managing partners is here too. I think this may have brought on the headache!
I also think a strong cup of coffee may be in order. I have a bad headache today too but have just discovered from the hospital that I am still allowed to take paracetamol or ibuprofen on top of the other pills which is good.
I found myself an aromatherapy lady based in Worthing on the internet, and I have booked to have a massage next Weds evening for an hour. She works from the sports centre and only charged £20.00 for an hour which I thought seems very good value. The oil burner arrived yesterday too. It is good, so I was burning ‘relaxing’ aromatherapy oils last night!! The smell did not seem that strong though, not sure if this is down to the burner or the oil…..